Respecting identity, belonging and everyday language

Children quickly notice whether adults use the right name, pronunciation, pronouns, cultural references and levels of curiosity. They also notice when staff use labels, jokes or shorthand that reduce their identity to a problem. Everyday language can make a child feel seen or push them to change to suit the adults.

Belonging is made in everyday routines: food, celebrations, room allocation, hair care, clothing, privacy, school liaison, religious observance, sensory needs and how staff speak in front of others. A more useful question than "Do we mean well?" is "How does this feel from the child's point of view?"

Staff should not make one child responsible for educating the whole home about their identity. Curiosity must be respectful, proportionate and guided by what the child is willing to share.

Everyday respect in practice

• Use the child's chosen respectful terms where policy allows.
• Do not treat identity questions as attention seeking.
• Notice whether group language excludes someone.
• Think about routines that may fit some children better than others.
• Correct yourself and keep trying when you get something wrong.

Children often decide whether they are safe to be themselves by watching the small daily choices adults make with words and routine.